A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript
Season 3 Episode 29: The Uniforms Don’t Hurt
Transcript by Cameron Robertson
Intro:
\[hurdy gurdy music begins\]
Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –
Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.
Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.
Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.
Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.
Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.
Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:
Well, it’s episode day. Again. Oh, sorry, Groundhog Day was earlier this month – wait, is all time an illusion? The weeks sure are seeming long lately… Well, regardless, our hearts are warmed by you joining us, and we hope time is moving forward at a normal and healthy pace for your subjective realities.
However, if you do desire some timey-wimey uncertainty shenanigans, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards, including the Patina trapped in an infinite plane of nothingness with no purpose besides answering personal questions for an eldritch tome.
And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 29: The Uniforms Don’t Hurt. And so…
“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches
To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”
\[hurdy gurdy music ends\]
\[electronic beeping\]
\[robotic powerup noise begins\]
Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.
\[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static\]
\[over radio\]
Cameron (as Janus): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, Cassidy spent the night at my house after uh, misadventures in the Guts and then there was a Turning this morning, again. We dealt with that and then she packed up and headed over to Maria and Winifred’s to sync back up with Birdie. How did, how did, how did that go, Maria?
Nick (as Maria): It went pretty good actually. They seem to have at least reached some sort of truce for now. I think there’s still some underlying tension they’re going to have to work through but they made it pretty clear that neither of them is all that happy with being angry at each other so things are better now.
Cameron (as Janus): Well that’s good. That’s, that’s a lot better than I thought it was going to go, honestly.
Nick (as Maria): Yeah me too. Um I wasn’t sure exactly who was in the wrong there and it turns out both of them.
Cameron (as Janus): That often is how fights like that happen. Um, but I’m glad they got it worked out.
Nick (as Maria): Yeah it was much better.
Nick (as Juno): Oh hey are we recapping?
Cameron (as Janus): Uh, yes Juno.
Nick (as Juno): So last time on A Knight of Shreds and Patches, I actually found the missing people of the Patina and we are working our way out of the Guts right now and it’s going great and everything is fine and there’s nothing to be worried about and everyone is getting along as far as I know.
Cameron (as Janus): The amount of time that you just spent specifying that nothing is wrong is kind of worrying, Juno.
Nick (as Juno): Yeah because everything is fine.
Cameron (as Janus): Why did you say it so many times?
Nick (as Juno): Because it’s - because I wanted to make sure how fine it really is fine cause it’s fine. It’s fine. [pause] No one is angry.
Cameron (as Janus): I I don’t think you’re telling the truth!
Nick (as Juno): I haven’t not not told the truth.
Cameron (as Janus): Juno!
\[radio static\]
Episode Start:
Nick: The first thing we see is Juno, Marathon, and Emma hiking their way out of the Guts. Even with their guide, it is not a short walk to get back to the surface of Sasnak Traveling, but moving much faster than they can physically is a message from Juno, and we see a notification pop up on Janus's tablet. Juno has found the two missing women, and all that's left to do is wait for them to appear. And we see Winifred, Cassidy, and Birdie seated in the living room. Winifred has been tirelessly searching through the system for any clue or hint of what's happened to the missing Patina members.
Sydney: At this point, Winifred has been working on this problem for probably four or five hours after she got home, and her fingers are definitely dragging a little bit, but she looks up to Cassidy and Birdie.
Sydney (as Winifred): Well, it doesn't look like they've fallen out.
Kit (as Birdie): That's good.
Sydney (as Winifred): I've scanned all the cameras in the time period, so they're somewhere on board.
Kit (as Birdie): That's a start. Thank you.
Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): I know that you're - you just got done working and I appreciate you.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, you look like you've been up for a while.
Sydney (as Winifred): We're getting pretty close to 24 now, so
Kit (as Birdie): [sympathetic sigh]
Sydney (as Winifred): If I don't hear anything soon, or find anything soon, I'm gonna have to just go sleep and we'll look tomorrow.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay. Yeah.
Sydney (as Winifred): I've - [exhausted laugh] everything's been so busy with the Turning I haven't even checked my email in, I don't know, three days? I'm sure I have 300 missed messages. Everyone always wants to talk to me, and no one ever has anything interesting to say.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, at least we know that they weren't blown out or hurt in that way.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, one less thing that could have happened.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Kit: And Birdie will take a nervous sip from her coffee that's now gone long cold from this morning.
Sydney: Cassidy returns to pacing her circuit forward and back across the room. Her book open, but maybe not reading it especially much.
Nick: And we see another series of messages sent from Janus to the other members of the Foundlings spreading the news that Juno found the missing members. Unfortunately, as is often the case when communicating with Juno, the message was a little vague, and Janus can't make any promises about how well they're doing or where he found them. It turns into a waiting game. It's late into the night by the time Juno has led Marathon and Emma back out of the Guts. He elects not to follow them to Winifred's house. Marathon and Emma, you aren't super confident in how meeting up with your friends is going to go if he is choosing to remain behind based on what he saw before, but after a hurried journey through Merchant's Alley and to the Dome where Winifred lives, we find you in the front yard of Winifred's house, where you know Birdie and Cassidy are waiting.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay, but I'm checking my watch - isn't it so dark for like 6pm, Emma?
Cameron (as Emma): Uhh~.
Penn: And Marathon is looking up in the yard after checking her watch.
Cameron: Emma brings her watch up in front of her wrist and shifts it around to catch the light on its face and says
Cameron (as Emma): It's like 10 o'clock, Marathon.
Penn (as Marathon): What? Wait, what?
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.
Penn (as Marathon): But my watch -
Cameron: Emma turns her wrist so that it's facing Marathon so she can see what time it is.
Penn (as Marathon): Ah shi- I don't know. I must have bumped it in the minecart or something.
Penn: And Marathon starts fixing her watch real quick.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay, let me just fix this before we -
Cameron (as Emma): Okay.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay.
Cameron: [laughing] Emma is looking around the Dome innocently while waiting for Marathon to fix her watch.
Penn: And after Marathon fiddles with her little radio watch a little bit, she takes a deep breath out and just stands in the yard.
Penn (as Marathon): [deep breath] I don't - I don't know, I'm kind of scared to go in. Like, obviously, I want to see our friends. But, like, you know, you know?
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, but I'm just gonna go ahead and knock.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay, okay. Repair mode! Turning on repair mode.
Cameron (as Emma): Yep, yep. It's gonna be fine.
Cameron: And Emma climbs up the steps of the porch and knocks on the front door.
Penn (as Marathon): [quietly] Thank you, Emma. Rip the Band Aid.
Cameron (as Emma): I got you.
Sydney: About two seconds after the door is knocked on, Cassidy flings the door open.
Cameron (as Emma): [startled] Goodness gracious.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Thank God y'all are like in people-shaped shapes.
Cameron (as Emma): Uh huh.
Kit: And Birdie comes running.
Penn (as Marathon): Hey, it's nice to see you.
Cameron (as Emma): I'm also glad we're in people shaped -
Penn (as Marathon): Oh!
Cameron (as Emma): - shapes.
Penn (as Marathon): Hey, Birdie!
Kit (as Birdie): Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh you guys aren't like -
Penn (as Marathon): [overlapping] Paste?
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] - guts. [end overlap]Yeah~. Okay.
Penn (as Marathon): We still smell like Guts.
Kit (as Birdie): I'm sure.
Sydney (as Cassidy): It looked like you were pretty maybe dead.
Kit: Birdie is gonna half tackle Marathon in a very big hug and Marathon hears just a little faint gagging noise, but she does not let go.
Penn (as Marathon): It's not that bad.
Kit (as Birdie): It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. Um, but I love you, so it's okay.
Penn: And Marathon squishes Birdie a little bit after accepting the hug.
Kit (as Birdie): [exaggerated gagging noise] Okay.
Penn (as Marathon): Yep.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well,
Cameron (as Emma): At least she's in a new outfit. Birdie.
Penn (as Marathon): Love y'all. Miss y'all.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh yeah!
Penn (as Marathon): Missed y'all.
Sydney (as Cassidy): You got -
Kit (as Birdie): Missed you!
Sydney (as Cassidy): - jumpsuits?
Penn (as Marathon): Sick jumpsuits!
Cameron (as Emma): Mhm.
Sydney (as Cassidy): You should -
Penn (as Marathon): Look at the cut on my bicep.
Sydney (as Cassidy): - come inside. Come inside. Maria's still up somewhere. Winifred crashed after she heard you were okay.
Cameron (as Emma): All right.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Larry is probably around.
Penn (as Marathon): Um, we stink [laugh], again.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well sit on the plastic couch.
Cameron (as Emma): I mean [laughing], one of us more than the other.
Penn (as Marathon): That's true. Um. [sigh] I just - like obviously falling through a hole was not something I intentionally did.
Penn: And Marathon starts to walk over to the plastic couch.
Penn (as Marathon): But I still apolo- I apologize for how -
Sydney (as Cassidy): Marathon come here.
Penn (as Marathon): - how that all went down.
Sydney: And Cassidy grabs Marathon in a big hug.
Penn (as Marathon): Ope!
Penn: And Marathon freezes again with her hands over Cassidy before solidly slipping into the hug.
Penn (as Marathon): Missed you too.
Kit: Birdie will take this chance now to hug Emma and there's no gagging noise. [laugh]
Cameron: [laugh] Emma hugs Birdie back.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. Anyway, remarkable good luck for falling through the floor. Um,
Penn (as Marathon): Oh my gosh. We landed on clean laundry.
Sydney: Cassidy lets go of Marathon at the mention of laundry and does take a clearing breath.
Penn (as Marathon): Aww.
Cameron (as Emma): I think we landed in like, one of the Drain Boys -
Penn (as Marathon): [overlapping] You fought through my stink.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] - laundry rooms.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah it was -
Cameron (as Emma): Like in a giant pile of clothes.
Penn (as Marathon): And now we've got these cool undercover Guts operative outfits.
Sydney (as Cassidy): That is the luckiest thing that could have happened after the unluckiest thing that could have happened.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, I'm so glad that you guys are - that you - I mean, you didn't even have a hard landing. That's amazing. Really, it could have been so much worse.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Oh, yeah, like, most definitely.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [overlapping] Wha- eh- did you like -
Cameron (as Emma): Huh?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Here, Emma?
Cameron (as Emma): Yes?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Hug.
Cameron (as Emma): Hug.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Hug. [relieved small laugh]
Penn (as Marathon): Awww.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Did you like debris come down or anything?
Cameron (as Emma): Weirdly no, actually. I still haven't quite figured that part out, uh, because I definitely heard it while we were falling.
Penn (as Marathon): I think it caught on something else.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, somehow we made it through something and the rest of this - like, there wasn't even, like, the floor pieces that I assume fell, because we fell through the floor - I assume some of it fell but like, no, like we just landed in a pile of clean laundry, like with no metal in sight.
Penn (as Marathon): I think I remember like it narrowing into like a shoot or something. But
Cameron (as Emma): I don't - I was counting the seconds and not feeling optimistic about things, so I wasn't really paying that much attention.
Penn (as Marathon): I was trying not to think about how I might land on Emma. So
Kit (as Birdie): [said on a laughing exhale] Awww.
Sydney: Cassidy flumps exhaustedly onto the couch that is not plastic wrapped.
Penn (as Marathon): I bet y'all were worried sick, but you got our message to Winifred, right?
Kit (as Birdie): You sent us -
Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, like a couple of hours ago when Juno sent it.
Cameron (as Emma): Uh~ no.
Penn (as Marathon): Um nah.
Cameron (as Emma): Like,
Penn (as Marathon): Like, like yesterday.
Cameron (as Emma): Like, uh well.
Penn (as Marathon): Or no?
Cameron (as Emma): It was, I sent it right before the the shaking.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, right before -
Kit (as Birdie): Oh~.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh. Yeah [overlapping] there was a Turning.
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] there was a Turning.
Sydney (as Cassidy): [overlapping] Winifred had been working for -
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] That that feels very different down in the Guts.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I guess the torque, like you're further closer to the ground, it's not flicking so hard.
Penn (as Marathon): Now I've felt it on top of Sasnak and then the bottom of Sasnak. Wow.
Cameron (as Emma): You'll have to be at a reasonable location next time.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep. Actually, let's hope you don't have to.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, I don't if, if I don't think Winifred ever saw it. It sounds like everything's been so busy with the Turning that she - and we kind of grabbed her as soon as she got home and had her start looking so maybe if we hadn't, she would have seen it. But,
Cameron (as Emma): Welp.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well.
Penn (as Marathon): It's good to see y'all. I love y'all. I missed y'all.
[group sigh]
Penn (as Marathon): I was worried - I was personally, now, I mean, this is probably a worry I didn't need to have, but personally, Emma and I were very worried about the interpersonal conflict that was kind of going on before we left, but -
Kit (as Birdie): Oh that.
Penn (as Marathon): - it looks like there was nothing to be worried about. So
Cameron (as Emma): [tired and slightly manic laughter] Marathon, you just say things. [laugh]
Kit: Birdie glances at Cassidy because she does not know how Cassidy would like her to respond.
Sydney: Cassidy rubs her tongue over her teeth inside of her mouth, and then shrugs and looks back to Marathon.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Eh.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah. I mean, I'm sure us disappearing all put it in perspective, but um~
Kit (as Birdie): Well, you know, we, we, we had a moment. But you know, we're we're better for it now, and that's what matters.
Penn: Marathon's eyes go a little wide, but otherwise her face tries to remain unchanged.
Sydney (as Cassidy): We're just glad you're back.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep yup, that's right.
Sydney (as Cassidy): And intact, maybe more than we are.
Cameron (as Emma): Uh, yes, actually, I'm feeling great. Um.
Penn (as Marathon): Honestly, I got some good rest down there.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, that's great. I'm really -
Penn (as Marathon): Best four hour nap I ever had.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Where did you sleep?
Cameron (as Emma): So -
Penn (as Marathon): Oh they got bunks down there for the boys.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. The the unfortunate thing with the location where we fell was that it was very detached from where we had been in the Guts, and there was really, just, like one really, really, really, really, really long hallway to get back to where the circuit key was. But it did seem more like a kind of center of operations for the Drain Boys, so like there was a whole dormitory setup thing down there.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh yeah.
Cameron (as Emma): So we stole food from them and slept in their beds. [laugh]
Kit (as Birdie): [quietly] Goldilocks.
Cameron (as Emma): Um and they were all terrified of us because we were adults wearing their outfits.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah! We're big and tall and strong.
Cameron (as Emma): Uh huh. I don't, I didn't - I didn't like that. I don't have good feelings about the Drain Boys.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh yeah, you shouldn't. It's pretty horrible.
Cameron (as Emma): Okay, good. I'm I'm glad that that was an accurate assessment.
Penn (as Marathon): Is Marcus somebody - that was somebody you didn't like, right?
Kit: Birdie goes a dark shade of red out of just anger and says
Kit (as Birdie): He was why I wanted to go in through the real entrance so that I could have possibly murdered him, but then we would have had to leave the city, and I think it would have caused us more problems.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, dang. Well, there's this lady on the radio kind of pushing Marcus-y stuff, but
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, I'm sure.
Penn (as Marathon): I'll just leave that alone then. [short laugh]
Penn: Marathon gives a little awkward smile.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, it's okay. Um, I was a Drain Boys for a little bit.
Cameron (as Emma): What color was your cute outfit?
Kit (as Birdie): Mine was a hand me down, so it was kind of a suspicious shade of brown by the time I received it.
Cameron (as Emma): Mm.
Penn (as Marathon): Mmmm.
Cameron (as Emma): Unfortunate.
Penn (as Marathon): Suspicious brown.
Kit (as Birdie): Just all over. And so it didn't really have much color left to it. That was kind of before the council people started realizing that the Drain Boys were someone to partner with and fund. So,
Cameron (as Emma): Hmm.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep.
Penn (as Marathon): Well, um, sorry.
Kit (as Birdie): They have nicer uniforms now. Those look nice.
Penn (as Marathon): Thanks. We stole them from the laundry room. So
Cameron (as Emma): Yep, um.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Penn (as Marathon): I left my clothes in there.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Is anyone gonna be mad that they're like, walking around in Drain Boy uniforms or is that fine?
Kit (as Birdie): Uh~. I don't know.
Cameron (as Emma): I mean I don't think I'm gonna go out in public again wearing it.
Penn (as Marathon): And nobody accosted me this time. So,
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah we didn't really pass very many people on the way here.
Penn (as Marathon): [overlapping] Yeah, but it is like 10 pm.
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] It was really just in the Guts. [end overlap] Yeah. Given the general aroma that we were working with, we didn't really go through the populated parts of Merchant's Alley to get here.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, I missed y'all so much. I mean, Emma and I had some amazing walk and talks, but
Cameron (as Emma): But it was a lot of walking.
Sydney (as Cassidy): We definitely had a lot of walking and talking on our side.
Kit (as Birdie): We talked a lot. Yep.
Cameron (as Emma): That was a concerning tone of voice, Birdie.
Kit (as Birdie): Well, you know, we were that's just how it was. We - okay Cassidy and I had a huge, big, gigantic fight and then, but it was fine. It was fine afterwards. Right? And we apologized.
Penn: Marathon gives a little glance to Emma, like, Yeah~.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Talk about it later.
Penn (as Marathon): It's okay. We don't need talk.
Sydney (as Cassidy): It's been a long couple days.
Penn (as Marathon): I'm just glad we're all copacetic, and I'm just happy to be with my best people in my life again.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, yeah.
Cameron (as Emma): I'm ready to not walk for a while.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah~.
Cameron (as Emma): [laughing] My legs are very tired.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, you have a place where we can sleep? We kind of just came right here.
Cameron (as Emma): Do you have a place that Marathon can shower? [laugh]
Penn (as Marathon): That's true, that probably is better.
Cameron (as Emma): [laughing]
Penn: And Marathon sits up from laying on this plastic couch.
Sydney (as Cassidy): I'm sure Maria wouldn't begrudge you. We can also just head back to the shipping container and not move for a couple days.
Cameron (as Emma): [whine] That's so many stairs.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, um -
Cameron (as Emma): [whimper]
Kit (as Birdie): I may suggest that we go back, just so that you don't have to shower and then put the uniforms back on.
Penn (as Marathon): True.
Cameron (as Emma): Valid point. Yeah.
Kit (as Birdie): And then you can go directly to sleep,
Penn (as Marathon): You sure Winifred's -
Kit (as Birdie): - because there's only one guest room.
Penn (as Marathon): Winifred and I wouldn't, wouldn't be able to share the same size?
Penn: And Marathon gives a cheeky smile.
Kit: Birdie is too happy that her friends are back to have any reaction more than a very light punch to Marathon's shoulder.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Winifred has better clothes than the uniform anyway.
Cameron (as Emma): I mean, it's not a super high bar to try to get over.
Penn (as Marathon): And Emma, I think I've got just enough energy to piggyback you the last few steps of the stairs to the - on the way back.
Kit: [laughing] Just the last three.
Cameron (as Emma): Just the last few. You know, I think, I think I'm okay. I appreciate it um, but I would hate for you to hurt yourself more trying to carry me up stairs.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, no more hurting people. Just go home and sleep.
Penn (as Marathon): Did y'all - did y'all get hurt, by the way? Everybody like uninjured?
Sydney (as Cassidy): Nope.
Kit: Birdie makes a small noise like a dying squirrel and shakes her head when Cassidy says no first.
Cameron (as Emma): Birdie, is your hair shorter?
Kit (as Birdie): [overlapping] Um, uh, well -
Penn (as Marathon): [overlapping] Hey did you get a haircut?
Cameron (as Emma): I didn't, I didn't notice until you shook your head just now.
Kit (as Birdie): I'm trying - I'm currently trying to figure out how much I can salvage from the acid, so
Penn (as Marathon): [overlapping] Acid!?
Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] Acid?
Kit (as Birdie): Uh~.
Penn (as Marathon): Jeez, sounds like we had an easier time in our long time down at the bottom, but
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, it's um~
Cameron (as Emma): Before we leave and head up to the shipping container, uh~, you said Maria is still up?
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, she should be.
Cameron (as Emma): [concern masked with laughter] Marathon, do you maybe want to see Maria?
Penn (as Marathon): For what? My bites and stuff?
Cameron (as Emma): [duh] Yes.
Kit (as Birdie): Please.
Penn (as Marathon): Well.
Cameron (as Emma): For all of your injuries that you then spent another, pfft I don't know, 16 hours.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah~ okay.
Nick (as Maria Bliss): I heard that.
Nick: And Maria comes walking into the room with a doctor bag ready to go.
Penn (as Marathon): [groan]
Kit (as Birdie): You summoned her and now you're in trouble.
Nick (as Maria Bliss): Sit, sit, sit.
Cameron (as Emma): I mean, I'm not. I'm fine.
Penn (as Marathon): Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Nick: And we cut away as Marathon receives some much needed medical attention and the Patina settles back into each other's company. The next day after the Patina divides up responsibilities, it falls to Emma and Marathon to report back to Opal and return the circuit key. But Opal is not aware that it is actually a circuit key from Wander and Wander is not aware that the circuit key is no longer an effective booby trap. We see Emma and Marathon being led into the office by the morose secretary of counselor Opal. The office is unchanged. Opal, besides a change in outfit could have not moved since the last time you were here, and it would be the same scene. Opal looks happy to see you.
Cameron (as Opal): Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
Cameron: And councilor Opal sets aside some paperwork that she's rifling through in an exact replica of what she did the last time you entered her office.
Penn: Marathon is mogging and trying to look pretty tough standing next to Emma.
Cameron (as Emma): Good afternoon, Councilwoman. We have completed your job.
Cameron (as Opal): Oh, well, do sit. Sit.
Cameron: And Emma goes and sits at one of the chairs in front of Opal's desk. Kind of looks over her shoulder at Marathon and is like, come on.
Penn: Marathon comes to stand behind Emma's chair, continuing to look tough and aloof.
Cameron: Emma, after sitting, sets the bag that she was carrying in her lap and digs through it and pulls out the circuit key that they were provided by councilor Wander, and then holds it up in like a see thing, and stands back up and steps forward and sets it on Opal's desk in front of her.
Cameron (as Opal): Oh, excellent. Thank you. Um, I hope that it was not too difficult a uh, journey.
Penn (as Marathon): [snort]
Cameron (as Emma): It could have gone better, I will say. It was a good thing that we had the little contractor forms from you allowing us weapons, because we definitely encountered a nest of octopuses.
Cameron (as Opal): Oh, dear. Well, yes I'm very glad I thought of that. That was very intelligent. Well, very good. The map was accurate?
Cameron (as Emma): Uh mostly. There, there were a few hallways that had no floor, so I would say if you're going to be making use of the key to maybe not be in a rush when you need to use it and give yourself a little bit of - or give your staff, I suppose - a little bit of extra time to figure out a new way to get there.
Penn (as Marathon): Your map needs to be updated.
Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, it's there are some some fun new hazards that have appeared since the map was drawn. So
Cameron (as Opal): Oh. Terribly sorry about that. Obviously, I don't go into the Guts much myself, so just strictly using data provided by other people. So while I can say I'm sorry it was not more accurate, I also I refuse to take any responsibility for the accuracy of it. So there's there.
Penn (as Marathon): But the job was done to your satisfaction?
Cameron (as Opal): I believe so. I have a key, right?
Cameron (as Emma): Yes, ma'am.
Cameron (as Opal): Then yes. I'm pleased. Job complete. Good job.
Penn (as Marathon): And your end of our agreement will be upheld now?
Cameron (as Opal): Yes, yes, yes.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay.
Cameron (as Opal): I just need to [sighs in business] for all of the parts for the X bikes will need to arrange that delivery to the garage, but I'll have Reginald deal with that later, and then I think I was paying money as well, and so Reginald can take - do that as well, or I guess Reginald could get with Barnaby to pull the contract to find out was it - was it seven? Why is seven sticking in my memory? Whatever it was, it's written down. Barnaby will help you.
Penn (as Marathon): I indeed believe it was seven.
Cameron (as Opal): Reginald -
Penn (as Marathon): Seven triangles.
Cameron (as Opal): Yes, Reginald can get you that. We have access to the garage, so you wouldn't need to be there for that delivery. So we will just try to get to that either it'll probably be tomorrow, maybe tonight, depending on how quickly and get it arranged, but definitely tomorrow we'll say I'll have it delivered. And yes, I then I will, I will also pull my strings within the powers that be and work on escalating your X bike uh, trajectory as well. Although obviously you two are not the riders, but the you the team will need to continue winning the races in order to make this trajectory thing possible. But after the excellent performance the first time around I'm - plus all these parts I'm giving you, I'm very positive it'll all work fine.
Penn (as Marathon): Of course.
Cameron (as Emma): Yep, we will work on upgrading the bikes as as soon as those parts get delivered, so they can be even better for for next time.
Cameron (as Opal): Love to hear it. So I suppose just keep winning, and then I'll reach out when I have another job and have need of you.
Penn (as Marathon): And can I make one request?
Cameron (as Opal): You certainly may request.
Penn (as Marathon): Can you keep us out of the fucking Guts?
Cameron (as Opal): Um, I can definitely take that into consideration that you would prefer a non Guts job. Um, little too much octopuses for you, tall one?
Penn (as Marathon): Um, yeah, octopi.
Cameron (as Opal): Mhm.
Penn (as Marathon): Smell. Um,
Cameron (as Opal): Oh yes.
Penn (as Marathon): Traumatic events. Uh~ floors.
Cameron (as Opal): I have heard it smells terrible.
Penn (as Marathon): Falling. Yeah.
Cameron (as Opal): I haven't been myself since I was a teenager, -
Penn (as Marathon): Dangerous minecarts.
Cameron (as Opal): - but it to smell that doesn't often leave your nose once you've smelt it. You just, you just, you just know. But yes, I'll certainly keep that in mind, and you can reject jobs as well. So I suppose if I need anything in the Guts, you're welcome to reject the Guts jobs.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay, well, thank you. Is our is our business concluded, madam, today?
Cameron (as Opal): If you don't have anything else, then yes, I believe so.
Cameron (as Emma): Yep, I think the key was it, ma'am. So we will, we will get with Reginald outside and finish up the particulars.
Cameron (as Opal): Yes, have a lovely day.
Penn: And Marathon turns around and lets out a deep breath.
Nick: As Emma and Marathon leave, you can hear Barnaby, who was apparently stationed by the door, say,
Nick (as Barnaby): Oh, what do you want?
Sydney (as Reginald): I'm here with the contract, my lord.
Nick: Once you have collected the pay from Opal, time quickly begins to pass as you settle back into a routine and recover from your ordeal. Just a couple of days after Emma and Marathon emerged from the Guts, Birdie you receive a note through an official courier that Karma, the colonel in the Ramp Girls, is requesting a deposition with you, but the location is at a coffee house just down Merchant's Alley from Reed's Books.
Kit: Birdie receives this very official invitation and at first she's a little concerned, because mostly when she was growing up and got these it meant that one of them messed up and they had to go and talk to the Ramp Girls to smooth things out. And she sees it's from Karma, and lets out a very high pitched noise. Dog starts barking distantly, and then runs to her room in the shipping container. Birdie thinks this is absolutely a date, and so she disappears into her room for roughly an hour and then comes out looking much more put together than she has the last couple of days, and will leave with a very quick
Kit (as Birdie): [very rushed and high] I'm gonna go have coffee with Karma. Bye~!
Cameron (as Emma): Did you hear something passing really quickly?
Penn (as Marathon): No, it's like a bird or something.
Cameron (as Emma): I could of sworn, could of sworn I heard something.
Penn (as Marathon): [shrug noise]
Nick: The location of your official deposition Birdie, is a coffee shop that is like the deposition mentioned, the address is down the street from Reed's Books. It is a shop called Neutral Grounds. It was not open when you used to live here, but you have walked past it a few times, and the coffee and baked goods smell is very pleasant, and it's always comfortably bustling, but not too busy. The decor is mostly red hued woods and glass and polished steel. The coffee machines are well taken care of, and the staff is friendly and unobtrusive. Karma, where are you when Birdie arrives?
Sydney: Karma is at a small, two person table in the back of the shop, away from the kitchen door, tucked into a corner. What time relative to the one on the invite is Birdie there?
Kit: She's there probably two to three minutes early. She's never been early to anything in her whole life, but this moment.
Sydney: As Karma sees Birdie walks in, they stand up and give a wave, and then as Birdie comes over, they pull out Birdie's chair before sitting down on their own.
Kit (as Birdie): Um. Thank you. I um, I'm a little surprised that you called on me. I guess I - [nervous laugh] I don't know.
Sydney (as Karma): Well, I wanted to follow up on what we had talked about at the party, and I did look around a little and remembered where I knew you from. Oh - I ordered their special lavender latte. If you don't want that, we can change it, but it'll be out in a minute.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, that's, that's, that's perfect. Thank you. Um [nervous giggle] How have you been?
Sydney (as Karma): Good. Just staying busy. Official Ramp Girl's business.
Sydney: And she is wearing her, not a dress uniform, but just her standard service uniform. It's olive green, still with the rank insignias, but without any of the further decorations that could get in the way in the normal service.
Kit: Birdie sets her elbows on the edge of the table and rests her chin on her palms.
Kit (as Birdie): Um yeah, I'm sure it's uh, you're very busy all the time with being a Ramp Girl. So I mean, it's, I'm very flattered that you made time for me.
Sydney (as Karma): Well, you're a very interesting person, Birdie.
Sydney: And the drinks land on the table squarely at the top of the hour.
Kit (as Birdie): Am I really? [giggle]
Sydney (as Karma): Well you've come a long way since dropping your bike on the ramp.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh god! [gasp of shame] You remember that?
Sydney (as Karma): I told you I did some digging.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh god. I was really hoping that - that was kind of why meeting you at the masquerade was nice because I didn't have to own up to -
Sydney (as Karma): You had a mask on?
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah. Oh god. [flustered giggle] Well, I will just hope that it came off more endearing than uh~, whatever attempt at flirting I was doing or whatever teenage rebellion I was caught up in.
Sydney (as Karma): I'm sure you're much more mature now. What are you up to these days?
Kit (as Birdie): Um, well, I am a part of a group. We travel around and sort of help out wherever we can, but we're mostly just nomads, you know? Putting - I like to think that we put more good out into the the universe, kind of like what my family used to do.
Sydney (as Karma): That's what we all hope we're doing.
Sydney: And they take a deep sip of the coffee.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, you know, I mean, we don't really like picking up the violent sort of jobs. It's more just anything we can do to help out towns folk and I mean, the work we've done around here has mostly been in the same interest.
Kit: And Birdie will lean back to sip her drink, and she's fiddling with the ends of her hair that has been now shorn just past her shoulders, and she's still getting used to the feeling, obviously.
Kit (as Birdie): But um,
Sydney (as Karma): Did I catch you in an X Bike match the other day too?
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, that -
Sydney (as Karma): I think your hair was longer.
Kit (as Birdie): It was, you know um, that's a funny story. [awkward laugh] I um
Sydney (as Karma): It looks good. You should be proud of it.
Kit: Birdie blushes very hard.
Kit (as Birdie): [nervous flirty Birdie register] Um uh thank you. Thank you. That's very kind of you. Yeah, we um - my friend Cassidy and I took up X Bike racing, and it was a thrill to return to certainly. I had forgotten what it was like. But yeah, we, we went down into the Guts, and I got sprayed with some stuff that totally ate my hair, and an impromptu haircut was necessary. So [giggle]
Sydney (as Karma): Oh yeah. The Guts can be kind of a hazardous location.
Kit (as Birdie): Yep.
Sydney (as Karma): At least on the ramp we connect right up to Merchant's Alley.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, you guys were always really lucky. I wanted to be a Ramp Girl so bad when I was younger. I suppose I very much looked up to you.
Sydney: Karma sits up slightly straighter in her chair, as if to magnify the height difference while they're sitting.
Sydney (as Karma): I'm always proud to be a Ramp Girl, and I'm proud to feature in the art when they need to make their promotions. It helps to get good recruits.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, I remember those posters that I - [laugh] do you guys do calendars now too or is it just the posters still?
Sydney (as Karma): Mostly the posters. Any calendars are unofficial.
Kit (as Birdie): I see, I see, just for fun. So what made you want to be a Ramp Girl?
Sydney (as Karma): My aunt growing up was a Ramp Girl for 30 years,
Kit (as Birdie): Wow.
Sydney (as Karma): - and had good stories. Also seeing the respect that the world showed her in her uniform for her service made me feel like I could benefit people and protect the city. The line between the inside and out.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.
Sydney (as Karma): The uniforms don't hurt.
Kit (as Birdie): [laugh] They certainly do not. Well, that's very admirable. I do know people who just signed up for the uniform, so
Sydney (as Karma): It is a way to get people in the door, but I think the minimum service time means it's perhaps could be better thought through.
Kit (as Birdie): Really?
Sydney (as Karma): Contract is a contract.
Kit (as Birdie): Of course.
Sydney (as Karma): Of course, they could get a few months in and then decide they actually like it, and we get some of our better recruits that way.
Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, I think I would have been - I think my issues with authority might have stopped me from enjoying [laugh] the Ramp Girls and being a good asset, I suppose.
Sydney: Karma gives a good natured smile.
Sydney (as Karma): It's not for everyone.
Kit (as Birdie): Which is why it's very special when people are good at it I suppose. [flustered]
Sydney: Karma gives a sharp head nod, and then takes another sip of her drink before the pager at her waist goes off, and she picks it up, reads the short message on it, and re-holsters it.
Sydney (as Karma): Well, I am already being summoned.
Kit (as Birdie): Oh, uh.
Sydney (as Karma): You, if you're not busy you can accompany me.
Kit (as Birdie): Am I allowed to do that?
Kit: And Birdie leans in conspiratorially.
Sydney (as Karma): As long as we stay out of the sensitive areas.
Kit (as Birdie): All right, well, I'm not doing anything. I'd love that. Thank you.
Sydney: Karma stands up and leaves a generous tip on the table along with the not quite finished coffee cups.
Kit: Birdie will thank Karma and smile once more at them before following Karma out of the coffee house.
Nick: And we see Birdie and Karma making their way back to the ramp where Karma has been summoned as duty calls.
Kit: At some point during their walk, Karma, who walks at a pretty brisk pace, was leaving Birdie behind by accident, and Birdie very conveniently, used this as an opportunity to take Karma's hand as they walked.
Sydney: Karma accepts this and uses it as a way to be able to walk even faster. As they make it to the end of Merchant's Alley quickly go down a side stair instead of going through the parking structure and land at the corner of the top of the ramp nearby where the Ramp Girls equivalent of a toll booth before getting to the larger control center. Several Ramp Girls in various genders sit up straight or stand and snap sharp salutes to Karma as they blow through.
Kit: Birdie is half jogging at this moment, but she's very content to do so.
Sydney: And they pull up to the operations center through a glass door manned by a guard. You can see maybe 20 Ramp Girls with consoles watching readouts, and there is a small area off to the side that's open to the rest of the room that has a couple of chairs and a water cooler and a small mini fridge, perhaps for people who are being asked further questions, perhaps for guests. And Karma releases Birdie's hand as they walk up to the guard at the door. Salutes are again exchanged before Karma goes.
Sydney (as Karma): I got the page. What do we got?
Kit: Birdie is very content again to find a spot along the wall that is not being occupied and just watch. [giggle]
Sydney: As Birdie is looking for a good spot, Karma interrupts her conversation to point to one of the chairs.
Sydney (as Karma): Take one of those.
Kit (as Birdie): Okay.
Sydney: And she points to what looks like the most junior staff in the room and points in sequence to the fridge, and the staff member hurries over to offer you a drink.
Kit: Birdie is bright red and will accept the drink and sit down as she doesn't really know what else to do than just what Karma says.
Sydney: The conversation as Karma gets brought up to speed and heads to the far side of the room, gets a little distant, but she turns and gives you a smile before leaning over a console. On the console is a grainy security camera looking outside. It just looks like a thin tree covering that had been mostly trampled by the city's massive treads, but you hear indistinct words float over, something about its back, something about some incoming, faint signals, something about a spider?
Kit: Birdie does visibly perk up at the mention of a spider after putting together with that hint that it may be the one they encountered that was following Cassidy, but beyond her posture suddenly straightening and recognition in her face, she doesn't really change.
Sydney: You see Karma nod, gives the crewman who was the one that apparently made the detection a pat on the back and a good word, look to two other people, issues some rapid orders, moves down two consoles further away, and there's a rapid back and forth that you really don't catch much of Birdie. Karma stands up. It looks like her thinking stance is a parade rest. Her arms are crossed behind her back, and her stance is wide. This is probably just the result of years of drills, and by now it's just the way that her body works. And she looks into the middle distance for a couple seconds, and then nods. You hear clearly the word
Sydney (as Karma): Fire.
Nick: The Ramp Girl who was manning the console does a brief salute and begins to press a couple of buttons on the console in rapid succession. Birdie there's a long pause. You feel a rumble under your feet, and then hear a loud swoosh thunk. One of the screens flickers to an external view, and you see a large boulder that looks like it's made out of compressed trash go sailing out beyond the city. And then, after a long pause, one of the Ramp Girls at another console says,
Nick (as Ramp Girl): No confirmed hit, but the contact appears to have broken off. It's following at a distance.
Sydney (as Karma): Best we'll get for now. Let me know if it comes back.
Sydney: And Karma rounds on her heel and strides back over to Birdie.
Nick: Everyone salutes even though Karmas not looking.
Kit: Birdie does a little salute as well, grins and will say,
Kit (as Birdie): Well, I didn't actually know that you guys had firearms. I don't think I ever came across that.
Sydney (as Karma): Just mechanical. Enough to dissuade people without sense.
Kit (as Birdie): Interesting.
Sydney (as Karma): The city's big enough, people with sense have to come up the ramp.
Kit (as Birdie): Unless you~ - yeah.
Sydney (as Karma): We can raise it, and we have other ways of stopping them.
Kit (as Birdie): Absolutely. That was very interesting. I feel very special. Thank you.
Sydney (as Karma): You should. You are.
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle] Um
Kit: Birdie is floundering for a response, and in the light of the panels is blushing again. Her ears have never stopped being red from the time that she saw Karma.
Sydney: Karma sticks out a hand to help Birdie to her feet.
Kit: Birdie will remember that this is an option and take her hand and stand up.
Kit (as Birdie): Um, is - were you needed for anything else here? I don't want to keep you too long.
Sydney (as Karma): I should tend to things, but we can talk more in the future. I'm sure you have many interesting stories.
Kit (as Birdie): [giggle] I like to think so. Well, if you have any time in the next few weeks, I have several stories about my work here that I'm sure you'd be absolutely delighted to hear.
Sydney: And Karma gives her an inquisitive head tilt.
Sydney (as Karma): I'll send another message.
Kit (as Birdie): I'll be waiting.
Kit: And Birdie will smile, and then, if they haven't dropped hands yet very quickly lift Karma's hand to brush her lips against their knuckles and then leave, because she knows the way out.
Sydney: And as Birdie disappears, Karma gives a wolfish grin before turning back to their work. The rest of the room quickly drops their heads before they notice.
Nick: And Karma is quickly absorbed with monitoring and commanding the Ramp Girls shift. The observation team is paying special attention to this strange incursion that stays just outside of range, and Birdie walks away feeling a lot more successful after an interrogation than one might expect. Time continues to move ever onward, and about a week of rest and healing relaxation passes before we turn again to Marathon and Cassidy sitting just outside of the shipping container, basking in the late October afternoon sun, enjoying a little bit of warmth.
Penn (as Marathon): Well it looks pretty nice out here.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah.
Penn (as Marathon): It's a good view.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Getting used to the edges enough that other people will come and hang out their legs over the sides with me.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, I'm not afraid of heights anymore. So
Sydney (as Cassidy): Wow, congrats.
Penn (as Marathon): Thank you. I'm, yeah, I'm a tough, tough girl. You know, not afraid of much anymore.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Is that a death wish or, like, learned experience?
Penn (as Marathon): No, I'm just trying to impress you.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh okay.
Penn (as Marathon): But no, I I've been meaning to talk, actually, um
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well conveniently we're talking right now.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, about um, uh -
Penn: And the audience can see Marathon's skin start to perspirate just a little bit.
Penn (as Marathon): Um about uh, this really cool spot that Birdie showed me the other day. And, yeah, it's really tall, and I thought you would want to, you know, go up there and see it. It's called the Crow's Nest. Take some climbing, if you like, dangling your feet from here, I mean, the view up there.
Sydney: Cassidy had gone through visible surprise, excitement and then into skepticism on her face as she's putting together what Marathon is talking about.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Isn't that where you fell from?
Penn (as Marathon): Fell? No, I mean, not exactly. Not on, not on - I didn't fall from on top of the Crow's Nest.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, but you were up there when you got hurt.
Penn (as Marathon): Well, I was on a ladder when I fell off, but that's not the Crows Nest, you know. Anyway, I know my way up there now, and I know I would be with an experienced climber who, you know would love, I'm sure love to see the tallest point on Sasnak Traveling.
Sydney: Cassidy looks upwards towards the Eaves that are over their heads.
Penn (as Marathon): Make some fun noises up there.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah. What kind of noises?
Penn (as Marathon): You know, creaking, shuffling.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Hmm.
Penn (as Marathon): Metal bending.
Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh yeah, those sound fun. Well, you want to go now or like in the future?
Penn (as Marathon): Um~
Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, Emma's down in the garage. Birdie might be there too, and I'm not sure.
Penn (as Marathon): Well, you got plans for the day?
Sydney (as Cassidy): I was probably gonna go practice more bikes now that I'm finally have all the feeling back in my hand.
Penn (as Marathon): Can't think of a better way to exercise it than [sing song] climbing.
Penn: And Marathon does a little tap on the on top of the container they're sitting on top of.
Sydney: Cassidy raises an eyebrow at Marathon, and goes,
Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, you're you're not - you got to be more creative.
Penn (as Marathon): Okay.
Sydney (as Cassidy): There's lots of things to do with hands.
Penn (as Marathon): Yeah. [catches on] Oh! [flustered noise]
Sydney: And Cassidy stands up to go find her gear.
Penn (as Marathon): Wha- oh. Well. [clears throat]
Penn: And Marathon's sweat that was starting to soak back in starts to reappear.
Penn (as Marathon): Uh [clears throat] Yeah, I got, I've probably got stuff to get ready before I go up there too.
Penn: And she gets up herself and starts walking briskly after.
Nick: And Marathon and Cassidy both prepare for a little bit of a climb and a little bit of a conversation.
\[hurdy gurdy music swells\]
Outro:
Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.
This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:
Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.
Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io.
Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.
Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.
And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.
This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.
The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.
You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.
Until you tune back…
…stay bold and stay kind
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